Unbelievably screwy e-mails I've received today

Here are three e-mails from two different senders that landed in my inbox within a few hours of each other earlier this morning.

Here's the first one. Obviously it's a Nigerian scam e-mail, like the one about "RANKLE Jones The Golfer 'Film Production'" (that I'm still laughing about)...

DATE: 13 Sept 2009.

Dear customer,

You have a Package that is registered with us for shipping. However, thecontent is a Bank Draft worth is $886,000 USD (Eight Hundred and Eighty Six Thousand US Dollars).Reg .Number: P-01-402761625/Reg Date: 09/13/2009.
Your package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague who iscurrently undergoing survey project with NNPC (Nigeria National PetroleumCompany). We are sending you this email because your package is registered on aSpecial Order. What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Departmentfor immediate dispatch of your package to your residential address. Note: Assoon as our Delivery Team confirms your information, it will take three (3)working days (72Hrs) for your package to arrive at your designated destination.
For your information, Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paidby your colleague.
However, the only payment you are to make is £210 GBP to the FedEx DeliveryDepartment being full payment for Customs Duty Certificate and Tariff. PleaseNote: All registered package with us have a time limitation and you are to meetup with this payment to facilitate immediate attention toward the delivery of your package. Note: Your colleague did not leave us with any further information.
We hope that you respond to us as soon as possible because if you fail torespond until the expiry date of the foremost package, we may refer the package to the British Commission for Welfare as the package do not have a return
address. Contact the delivery department (FedEx Ship Manager) with the details
given below:
Contact Person: Mr. Richard Raynor
Email: fedex.express_nig@w.cn
Tel: +2348066879532.
Kindly complete the below form. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address for clarification.
FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
Zip/Postal code:
CITY:
STATE:
COUNTRY:
As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you the necessary payment procedure for Customs Duty Certificate and Tariff. As soon as they confirm your payment of £210 GBP USD .they shall immediately dispatch your package to the designated address with the attach Tracking Number. It usually takes 72 Hours being an express delivery service.
Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable successful reconfirmation.
Yours faithfully,
Mrs. .Mary Maxwell
FedEx Management Team.
All rights reserved. © 1996-2009 FedEx.

Incidentally, the originating e-mail address is NOT from a FedEx-owned domain (but you probably already figured that out ;-)

And then later on in the morning the following two e-mails arrived within minutes of each other. I'm going to include the address that they came from, because whoever bl1334@cs.com is, he/she/it made sure to include that address within the text of each message...

Subject: you are definitely!! doing the work of SATAN.
BL1334@cs.com to me
show details 11:53 AM (52 minutes ago)

I will not run from a BIBLICAL debate. bl1334@cs.com

---

Subject: (no subject)
BL1334@cs.com to me
show details 11:57 AM (51 minutes ago)

A christian should never watch VH1, George Lucas`s magazine bl1334@cs.com

At first glance I'm tempted to say that BL1334@cs.com sounds like a member of Johnny Robertson's cult, especially since he/she is using words like "debate" etc. But I kinda doubt it now: this person's spelling and grammar is much too good. So I'm probably going to chalk this up as an attempt at parody. But if it's not, remember: You are putting your eternal soul in peril if you "watch VH1, George Lucas's magazine" (so far as I know the only magazine that George Lucas has anything close to direct input on might be Edutopia, which is for teachers and parents of children in school... parse that as you will).

If anything else unintentionally hilarious comes in today, I'll just amend this post as needed :-)

Categories: church of christ, comedy, con artists, humor, johnny robertson, nigerian scammers