Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Consequences

Tonight I have been told that I must "pay the consequences" for having a mental illness.

I did my best. I honestly did. And I never, ever took anyone for granted.

this is the worst part of the hell of having something like bipolar. Knowing that you will never be good enough and that there is someone ten times better than you can ever be, because your own mind is too damaged and diseased and God won't tell you why He allowed it.

I know of no more damning feeling than to be thought of as a monster, as a fraud and a fake, as a person who isn't doing what he can to seek after Christ first, by those that he has cared for most and the ones who he would do anything to let them see the real essence of who I am.

I am not a perfect person. I haven't and never will claim to be that. But, I have tried to be a good person and a person who has put God first in all things as best I could.

If you are reading this and you know someone who has bipolar or some other mental illness: please love them in spite of their condition and what it does make them do all too often. Please know that they don't mean to hurt you.

I'm never going to be forgiven for having a mind that turned against me.

Please don't let someone you love go the rest of their life unforgiven. For anything.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mental illness is illness. Do people need forgiveness for having an upper respiratory tract infection or high blood pressure or diabetes? Or HIV?
Being human is incredibly complex. Maybe speech is a curse as well as a gift. Should we refer to the man brought to Jesus by his four friends as "a man with paralysis" rather than as "the paralytic." Or to the people Jesus cured of leprosy as people cured of their disease rather than "lepers who were cleansed." Maybe it doesn't matter. Whether demon-possessed or ill, contaminated by disease symbolic of sin, or suffering from an infection these were people. Jesus touched people, loved people, walked with people. He even uses people to bring light to one another (even though HE is the Light.) Jesus loves you and uses you. Your words are gifts. Gifts you craft but God can use. On this planet people experience all sorts of pain. The emotional and mental pain is arguably worse than physical pain in many cases. But the illness is not who you are. Who you are is your identity in Christ. You are beloved. You are an ambassador of Christ. Jesus lives in you and through you despite your limitations whatever they are. Ultimately YOU are not "Bipolar." You may suffer terribly from a mental illness, but you are much more than that illness. Ultimately the illness will be cured and you will go on living in eternity with Jesus Christ who loved you and gave Himself for you. Never forget who you are in Jesus Christ. "The Father Himself loves you."

Carol said...

Who ever told you that is cruel and heartless and not even a real Christian. Saying you have to pay consequences for what you were born with is horrible! That person would abort a baby if they knew it would be born with defects. God will teach that person a lesson someday and then they won't get sympathy because they didn't give any.

Anonymous said...

70 years ago in Germany you would 'pay the consequences' for your illness by being gassed to death. I hope the person who told you that is ashamed of himself or herself!

Anonymous said...

"Tonight I have been told that I must "pay the consequences" for having a mental illness."

Suffering a disease isn't consequences enough??

This is the most ghoulish thing I ever heard. God have mercy on them even if they are that cruel of soul.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like someone needs a slap upside their head. And then go spend some time in introspective reflection to realize the horrible thing they have said to you.

WOW.

The only thing you can do Chris is to apologize and request forgiveness from an offended party. If they, in turn, are unable to forgive, then coals shall be heaped upon their head. The ball is in their court. Not yours....

Christ went to the cross for us all, imperfect beings with many faults and foibles, sins and all. Cling to that Truth this Easter, Chris, and look unto Him for comfort.

Alyson said...

You don't need a person like that in your life Chris. No one needs a person like that. If it was a friend then he or she was never a true friend to begin with. You've been honest and uninhibited about your battle with bipolar and your faith in Christ. If you were really a monster or a fraud you couldn't have done that. I think this person needs Christ and not playing at church.

Erin Patrick said...

Chris, I think I know who that person is and if they think you must pay consequences for mental illness then they don't know what love is and should study 1 Corinthians chapter 13 because their attitude isn't Christian love the nariest amount! Love is patient and it is kind and it keeps no record of transgressions. It is on their head not yours if they won't have love.

Si said...

Pay the consequences?! I wouldn't entertain the opinion of someone who peddles such rubbish Chris, it was Ill-advised, insensitive and inappropriate nonsense from the unnamed party.