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Monday, January 21, 2013

LOST as a Nintendo-style role-playing game

It's been ages since anything Lost-related has appeared on this site. Someday I'll try to write up an essay that's been percolating for a year or two: how the answers to everything we'd been looking for really, honestly were revealed or explained by the time of "The End" in 2012. Including how the Island could move (there's a scientific theory for that!).

Until then, it's nice to see that Lost still resonates. Enough so that CollegeHumor.com explored the notion: "What if Lost was a computerized role-playing game?" Sorta in the style of Dragon Warrior running on a Super Nintendo...

There may be spoilers if you haven't watched Lost, so viewer beware. For those who held on to the very end, this is a pretty hilarious video.

Look: A real X-rated movie! (more about DJANGO UNCHAINED)

Yes, I realize that this post might bother some people. But I'm going to say it anyway...

A few minutes ago I published my review of Django Unchained. A movie that some have condemned as being "insensitive", "racist", "offensive", and too many other epithets that are wildly, wildly wrong.

I will not only stand by what I've written about Django Unchained - that it's not a film about slavery or even race at all but instead an epic quest to find one's lost love - but I dare say that those who want to be upset about this movie... well, they don't know what the hell they're talking about.

I thought we as a people were beyond this already. Apparently not and Django Unchained is proving it. That there are some who apparently can't be happy unless they've something to unfairly harp-on about being "racist" or whatever. Spike Lee comes to mind (he said he'd never watch Django Unchained because of how he claims it portrays people of African descent).

These are the kind of people that Booker T. Washington, that venerable educator and orator, wrote about...

"There is a class of colored people who make a business of keeping the troubles, the wrongs, and the hardships of the Negro race before the public. Some of these people do not want the Negro to lose his grievances, because they do not want to lose their jobs. There is a certain class of race-problem solvers who don't want the patient to get well."

I'll eagerly contend that Quentin Tarantino has produced the most poignant, the most endearing and the most accurate film portraying slavery in the South in an unwholesomely long time. Heck, I could even see this movie shown in high school history classes.

This is a movie that is NOT defined along racial lines. It is a film that defies those. And I absolutely believe that this is at the heart of why some people want to be offended by it.

You wanna know how a movie about slavery can truly be disturbing, even downright sickening to watch? Because what you're about to see (if you've the patience and the stomach for the next two hours) makes Django Unchained seem downright puny so far as human bondage goes. I've been thinking about Goodbye Uncle Tom since coming out of seeing Django Unchained and what have I realized from the juxtaposition?

Again: that those condemning Django Unchained don't know what the hell they're talking about.

So here it is, from 1971, a movie that I first saw at Butt-Numb-A-Thon 9 a little over five years ago. The movie that to date is still the only X-rated film that I've watched in my entire life: Goodbye Uncle Tom...

Review of DJANGO UNCHAINED

My biggest regret so far as movies go right now is that I've yet to see Les Misérables, because everyone I know who's watched it has been raving about how spectacular and downright beautiful it is. So that's currently on my short list, along with Hitchcock and Zero Dark Thirty.

Last weekend however, we made time to catch Django Unchained: the first Quentin Tarantino film that I've seen during its theatrical run. Not even Inglourious Basterds got that honor. I first saw that on premium cable and went numb with disbelief during the final scene. As the credits rolled my jaw was still drooping and my reaction went like "Uhhhh... that's not how I remember reading about it..."

So going in to Django Unchained, I couldn't imagine what to be braced for. I've known since the beginning that it's about a slave getting revenge while searching for his wife: all kinds of possible permutations could come from that setup. I mean, would Tarantino be above a Nat Turner-ish figure leading tens of thousand of freed slaves to the streets of Atlanta, slaughtering and burning every white person they come across in a red red orgy of blades, bullets and blood?

After Inglourious Basterds, I was afraid to speculate about his latest movie.

But that's not what we saw in Django Unchained. Instead we watched what in this writer's opinion ranks high among the most historically accurate and unapologetic films ever produced about slavery and the antebellum South.

It's 1858, somewhere in Texas. A convoy of slaves are being walked to market by two brothers. Among the "cargo" is Django (Jamie Foxx, in easily his best role since Ray). During one night of the trip a very odd dentist comes out of the darkness, looking for Django. Seems that he's the only one who can identify on sight the fugitives known as the Brittle Brothers... and there's a big fat reward on each of their heads. So it is that our hero falls in with bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz), who proceeds to teach Django the tricks of the trade.

But in exchange for helping Schultz find the Brittles, Django has terms of his own: to locate Broomhilda (Kerry Washington), the wife who he was separated from by their previous owners. It's a long and winding road of tracking down murders and miscreants that leads Django and Schultz to Candyland: the notoriously brutal plantation reigned over by the sadistic Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio).

Now there were a few things that weren't right for the period in Django Unchained. The existence of dynamite for one thing (something that Alfred Nobel wouldn't invent until six years later). I also have to question the treatment of the slaves in the very first scene: contrary to widespread belief, harsh treatment of slaves in transport and on the plantations was not something that happened on a regular basis. The disfiguring and sometimes deadly abuse was also not as prevalent as many might think, if for no other reason than because slaves were deemed to be valuable property. If the Speck Brothers had made their slaves walk across Texas in real life, barefoot and barely clothed, some if not most of them would have died from exposure and malnutrition: hardly a thoughtful way to transport one's "products". There is no record of "mandingo fighting" and it would be after the Civil War before anything like the Klan came about.

But then there are the details - some insanely minute - that Tarantino poured into Django Unchained that I have to appreciate, even applaud as a historian. The "bell collars" worn by some slaves was accurate (they were usually placed on slaves with a history of trying to escape), as well as the practice of branding some slaves with an "R" on the cheek if they had run away and been returned. Tarantino often puts a scene of exposition in his films. This time it's Calvin Candie educating Schultz and Django about phrenology: a long-held eugenics theory pertaining to skull size and capacity (even at the time it was being called a pseudoscience... and yet many "civilized" people held it in serious regard as proof of racial superiority).

For all of that however, nothing in Django Unchained is perhaps as startling as Stephen: Candie's servant, played by Samuel L. Jackson. This seems to be the biggest item of controversy about the movie: that black slaves would be that unflinchingly faithful to their masters. To the very land they were property on, even.

Folks, that's not wild fiction at all. That kind of behavior was extremely common, especially among the more wealthy plantations. Slaves like Stephen had such a fierce and unflinching devotion to their masters that it was nigh-on inconceivable to them to be otherwise. Indeed, there are many records about how after the Civil War, many newly-emancipated slaves chose to remain on their former masters' lands as free men and tenant farmers. That wasn't a habit that disappeared overnight after the Confederacy surrendered, but to the best of my knowledge Django Unchained is the very first time that a movie has portrayed slavery's "Stockholm Syndrome" with such uncompromising accuracy.

But this isn't a movie about slavery. This isn't even really a movie about revenge, I thought. Instead, Django Unchained is a story of love and devotion between husband and wife. This is a quest movie: Django not giving up until he finds Broomhilda. Having to endure unspeakable hardship and pain and despair, not relenting until he can at long last be reunited with his wife. This is a love story decorated with guns and explosives... not to mention crime, cruelty and castration.

It's not Homer's The Odyssey. But I will say that with Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino has crafted a uniquely American epic. One that will certainly pass the test of time.

I'm gonna give Django Unchained my highest recommendation. Meaning that if I'm eager to have it on my Blu-ray shelf, it's worth people seeing at least once in the theaters.

"It's not a free-speech zone when we did it!"

I did not watch President Obama's inauguration today. There is nothing particularly interesting about a leader with no real vision. Sadly that's a trait that has been shared by every president since Reagan. But I digress...

It does interest me this afternoon however that President Obama continued the tradition established by former president George W. Bush of having a "free speech zone" marked off for the event...

Freedom Plaza is the site of one of the only authorized demonstration zones, where a strip of the plaza is designated a free speech zone.
The "free speech zones" were a routine and chronic practice of George W. Bush. Nobody who protested his policies was allowed anywhere close to him when he was president and out in public. There were many instances when protestors were limited to an area nearly a mile away from Bush.

The "free speech zones" were wrong then. They are just as wrong now on Obama's watch.

But that seems to be going clean over the heads of a lot of self-professed "conservatives" today, judging by how many at the above link on Politico.com are feigning outrage that Obama is keeping those who disagree with him out of sight and out of mind.

Here is what I wrote this past October about Obama continuing Bush's practice.

Now, I defy anyone to argue that it was any more right when Bush had the "free speech zones" than it is for Obama to do precisely the same.

This is but one reason why I have become so disgusted with politics. I like to think of myself as an honest person... and honest people have a problem with sullying their hands with such blatant hypocrisy.

That and as I said earlier: there is no leadership with clear and bold vision in America.

Sometimes I wonder if that might be on purpose. Or even if that's what we the people have come to embrace.

Back from the break

I needed to unplug from some things for the past couple of weeks. Including this blog.

Nothing traumatic or crazy happened. 'Cept I chose to focus on a few things and getting other things re-focused that had been lingering too much for too long.

This blog has been around for nine years now (wow!). In that time it has become quite a chronicle, a collection of documentation, about the evolution and development of that strange and bizarre creature that God created in Robert Christopher Knight. And that's what it will continue to be, until whatever point if and when I decide that it's time to retire from blogging.

But sometimes, that evolution and development appreciates the time to rest and reflect. And I'm still reflecting now. There might not be the frequency of posts that many readers (gauging from the amount of e-mails that came in) seem to enjoy, at least not off the bat.

In terms of Doctor Who, I'm regenerating. Becoming a different person.

But then, aren't we all? Isn't that what every one of us has been doing since the day each of us came into this world?

And besides, my girlfriend thinks it's time to write some more here. She has me well trained already. So I'd better get to work :-)

Thursday, January 03, 2013

It had to happen: BACK TO THE FUTURE and DOCTOR WHO mash-up!

A friend in our community theater guild is fond of wearing a t-shirt with this graphic on it...

So what would happen if Doctor Emmet Brown's DeLorean crashed head-on with the Doctor's TARDIS in a game of chicken?

Probably something like this...

Props to Kristen for coming across this uberkewl video by James Farr!

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Aaron Goins Jr.'s 2012 in Review

For me personally, the best part about this New Year's Day is that I made it through the rest of 2012 without getting any more speeding tickets! Having three in the past twelve months really was going too far even for me, but at least I'll have that "defensive drivers class" coming up to write about :-)

Which one is Honey and
which one is Boo Boo?
Anyhoo, there was plenty of good about 2012... and too many things that were quite a mess. If that Psy guy doesn't make good on his promise to put an end to "Gangnam Style", I swear that I'll be reaching for a glass of whiskey, a revolver and two bullets. The country remains without any real vision or leadership. And I could have lived the rest of my life and died happy without ever being told that such a thing as Honey Boo Boo (right) exists.

But on the plus side of the ledger: 2012 saw the announcement that we ARE getting Star Wars Episodes 7-9 at last, and many more Star Wars movies afterwards.  For that alone I will say that 2012 was a terrific year!

Reviewing the previous year's pop-culture, sports, entertainment and pro-wrestling scenes (especially the pro-wrestling) really isn't my forte however. But rest assured that in his own inimitable style, Aaron Goins Jr. is on the case! Over on his blog The Highlight Reel, Aaron has composed a monstrous (and hella fun) compilation of the year that was 2012. Even if you know more about Taylor Swift than you do about Vince McMahon, you won't be at a loss for something good here. Part 1 covers professional wrestling and sports, Part 2 goes over entertainment and music and Part 3 is about anything and everything in between including more pro wrestling (are we seeing a trend in our boy Aaron's blogging?).

But I think the best part is how Aaron chose to wrap up his look back...

There were so many good times that, even outnumbered by the bad, I cannot help but smile when I think back on 2012. I hope that 2013 will be a better year for me. I hope it is a better year for us all. I hope that we can find more time to smile, more time to think, and more time to cry tears of joy and not sorrow or pain. 2013 is a year full of hope. In conclusion, I hope 2012 was great for you and that 2013 will be even better.

God bless.

Hear hear! May we all have a better year in 2013 :-)