Kristen's Korner: "My Bipolar Boyfriend"

Yesterday evening the lovely and effervescent Kristen told me that she had composed a lil' something for this blog. I had no idea she was working on this, but after reading it I couldn't help but think that she expressed some things about bipolar disorder better than I have and maybe ever could. And she wants to write more stuff for this site, too! So expect more out of Kristen's Korner from here on out.

So without further ado...

"My Bipolar Boyfriend"

First, I’d like to thank Chris for letting me borrow his blog. I don’t have the time nor the patience to keep up a blog of my own, but I do (on occasion) feel led to write, and requested a venue to share my thoughts.

Second, I’ll introduce myself. My name is Kristen Bradford. You’ve perhaps seen my name referenced in Chris’ entries, or even seen pictures of me on here in the past year. I am proud to have earned the role of “Chris Knight’s girlfriend.” He is my first boyfriend - the only serious relationship I’ve ever had in my 27 years of life, and I can honestly say I have never been so happy before.

Now that I’ve gotten the housekeeping things out of the way, it’s time to delve into what I want to talk about... bipolar disorder.

Those of you who have been reading The Knight Shift for some time will know that Chris has not kept his mental condition a secret. In fact, he wants you to know about it. We were barely in the “open communication” stage on eHarmony when he revealed his condition to me. At the time, although I had heard of it, I didn’t really know much about it. Fourteen months later, I am still struggling to understand what bipolar is... although I never truly will, since I don’t have it.

***
I am one of those people that likes to help others. Whether it’s a friend who needs someone to listen, or a veteran’s disability case I’m working at my job, I want to do whatever I can for others. So it’s been difficult for me this past year, because although Chris has become the person I am the closest to, I can’t always fix things. Sometimes he calls me in the midst of a bipolar episode. All I want to do is comfort him and help him feel better, yet I may fail in doing so. Those are the times that I feel inadequate as a girlfriend, wishing I could do more.

But I am slowly learning that I can’t just fix bipolar. Chris is always going to have it (unless, God-willing, a cure is discovered). Nothing I say or do will make it go away. Chris may be a person of reason, but bipolar doesn’t deal with reason. He has to battle his mind, a mind that wants to trap him in either a state of depression or mania. I cannot fully comprehend what that must be like, and honestly I don’t think I want to know.

All I can do is be there for him. If he needs to talk - even at 3 in the morning - he knows I’ll be there to answer the phone. I’m not going to fix his condition, but I am someone he can lean on when he needs it.

What makes this difficult on the loved ones surrounding someone with bipolar? First, you never know when an episode will strike. Although medicine does wonders, it isn’t a cure. Episodes still happen (but luckily, they do pass). It’s especially hard for me, though, when Chris is at his home and I’m at mine - about an hour and half away - and I can’t physically be there for him during an episode. Sometimes episodes will put a monkey wrench in plans that have been made. But that can happen with any type of illness - even the common cold or a stomach flu. I am trying to remind myself that although there may not be much projected outward (since it’s a purely internal disorder), that doesn’t negate the fact that it is a medical condition that may require time apart until Chris feels better.

I’m also learning that bipolar is nobody’s fault. It’s not my fault if he gets depressed or recalls a bad memory - I just may happen to be there when it happens. It doesn’t mean I caused it (which is taking me a while to understand). And it’s certainly not Chris’ fault. Chris is a genuine, decent, and honest person that I am thankful to have in my life. He is one of the kindest people I have ever met. But because of bipolar, he has done things in his past - and even a few things since we started dating - that can be attributed to the bipolar, not him. I cannot blame him for a mind he can’t always control. He is always apologetic, regretting what has happened, but I know the true Chris inside is not the person that bipolar may portray him to be.

That’s what I want people to recognize - bipolar doesn’t define a person. It is, unfortunately, a part of the person that has it. It’s like Bruce Banner and the Hulk. The Hulk is inside Bruce, but Bruce can’t control when he turns green or what havoc he may cause afterward. But the Hulk doesn’t define Bruce Banner - Bruce is an intelligent scientist who uses his talents to help others (anyone watch “The Avengers” this summer?). But there are times he gets angry, and the Hulk emerges - ready to smash! Can Bruce Banner be blamed for what the Hulk does?

***
What do I want readers to take away from this?

-Remember that bipolar disorder isn’t an easy thing to deal with - for the person suffering OR the loved ones surrounding.


-You have to learn patience. It may take a while to find the right medicine to manage the condition, and episodes can be difficult but do pass.


-Don’t give up. If you have bipolar (or any mental condition, for that matter), remind yourself that it can’t keep you down forever. Rely on your support system, your counselor, your medicine. You are not alone. And to those who know someone with a mental condition - please don’t give up either. Don’t give up on that loved one. It’s not going to be an easy road to walk, but you may be the only support they have.

I know that life has its ups and downs, and may be moreso with Chris and I, as he goes through life managing his disorder. But I wouldn’t take any other road than the one I’m on. We all have our burdens to bear - Chris just has one that is more difficult (yet less visual to others) than most people. Despite the bipolar, he can still have a normal life. And I’m honored to be part of it, and know we will get through whatever challenges may arise down the road.

Bipolar may not be easy to live with or have a cure... but it is controllable, and doesn't have to stop those affected by it from enjoying life. Chris and I are certainly enjoying ours.

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About the Republican National Convention...

Since three readers have asked me this afternoon what I think about the Republican National Convention going on right now in Tampa... and about the crazy rules changes that the Romney camp seems to be hellbent on implementing... maybe that means I'm supposed to post something.

So here it is:

It wouldn't surprise me at all if the Republican party were to split apart after this election, and maybe even before then.

If so, I can't see how that would be anything but a good thing.

I've seen this coming for a long time. So have a lot of other observers. Those among the Republicans who genuinely desire less government, slashed taxes and cut spending believe - with no small amount of evidence supporting their claim - that they have been incrementally squeezed out of having influence within their own party. The "old boys network" of party elites can't have the grassroots gettin' too uppity, ya see. The rank and file have to be clamped down on. Punished, even. But I can't remember it ever being so blatant as it is become this week down Tampa way.

I'm not active in the Republican party. But I do know plenty of good folks who are (along with good people in the Democrat party). And a lot of them are getting mighty peeved at what the "GOP-e" are doing to their sincere efforts toward reducing the size of government.

The Republican bigwigs have become like an abusive spouse: the kind that beats the poor wife and then says "Where else are you gonna go bay-bee?" It's been that way for awhile now. And the Republican leaders are choosing to be ignorant of the fact that the ordinary citizens making up the party are getting up the nerve to at long last retaliate.

Like I said, I can't see how this could be a bad thing at all. If the Republicans split, it could give this country something it hasn't had in a long, long time...

A real honest-to-gosh second major party.

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An open letter to the citizens of New Orleans

Dear people of New Orleans:

Right now Isaac is still a tropical storm. But we all know how fickle these Atlantic cyclone systems can be. It could still draw enough strength from the warm waters of the Gulf to intensify into a major hurricane. And at the moment most of the computer models have it following the same track that Katrina did seven years ago.

I blogged a lot about Katrina and its aftermath in 2005. Most of it had to do with the failures of government at various levels, from the mayor's office on up. I don't want to do that again in 2012.

So let's be blunt...

Ray Nagin is not mayor of New Orleans anymore.

Kathleen Blanco is not governor of Louisiana anymore.

George W. Bush is not President of the United States anymore.

You folks still have time. My advice is to play it safe, take some initiative, and get the hell out of there right now.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Chris

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"The Eagle has landed."

Neil Armstrong
1930 - 2012

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Jerry Nelson has passed away

Late last night it hit me that I haven't posted any classic Sesame Street clips in quite some time. And I almost went for another Bert and Ernie skit. Even had one picked out. It just sorta popped into mind for no apparent reason. Dunno why I didn't use it at the time but it was like something was telling me, "wait". Maybe it was providential...

The very sad news today is that Jerry Nelson, legendary puppeteer who brought Count von Count, Herry Monster, Sherlock Hemlock, Amazing Mumford and many other lovable Sesame Street characters to life, has died at the age of 78. It had been eight years since Nelson had done physical puppeteering but he continued to provide his voice to the characters. He even appeared as the telethon announcer in last year's movie The Muppets. Nelson also worked on The Muppet Show and Fraggle Rock.

Here is Count von Count, in a clip that seems especially appropriate today...

And that clip that I thought of using last night? Here it is: Jerry Nelson performing Count along with Jim Henson as Ernie and Frank Oz as Bert, in one of the most disturbing (just look at Ernie's eyes) Sesame Street skits ever...

Thoughts and prayers going out to his family this afternoon.

Thanks for all the great laughs and good memories, Jerry. And if the Count could, he would be counting "ONE! One new angel in Heaven, AH-AH-AH-AH!!"

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Todd Akin is why the 17th Amendment was always a bad idea

As I intimated in my previous post, I arrived way late to witness the tempest surrounding Todd Akin at the apparent zenith of its wrath. But now that friends have caught me up to speed on it...

Let's ignore for the moment that what Akin said is not an isolated incident. That in fact ridiculous, nonsensical and downright ignorant statements seem to be a chronic malady of those in high office (how Sheila Jackson Lee is still in Congress, I haven't a clue). It's not even the worst thing I've come across said by a politician about rape: the all-time record holder for that has to be Clayton Williams who once remarked that if rape is "inevitable, just relax and enjoy it."

Now that I know what the Akin situation is about, what is most on my mind about it is that this is why the popular election of senators was never a good thing, and why the Seventeenth Amendment needs to be repealed.

I have to point out that the Founders intended for the House to represent the people and for the Senate to represent the individual states. Senators were not to be glorified "congressmen": they were to be chosen by their respective state legislatures.

I can tick off a lot of benefits found in the original system. That it necessitated a state's people to be more aware, more involved and as a consequence tending to be wiser in regard to their local government was one of them. And I've long thought that the legislatural appointment of senators had an elegance to it befitting the wisdom of the Founders.

Look at what popular election of senators has degenerated into: the guttermost disgusting campaigning in American political history, only a hair shy of that for President. We already knew that but the Todd Akin situation has made what should be a matter solely for the state of Missouri and her people... into something of national "importance". Indeed, most of the demands for Akin's withdrawal from his race are from his fellow Republicans who insist that their party's retaking the Senate trumps any and all other considerations.

Good God. Have we really come to this point, as a country? Where we don't even pretend anymore that our politics is anything but a game to be "won" by any means necessary?

This is why the United States is supposed to be a republic and not a democracy. And for once I don't even need both of the "major parties" to make my case. Just one of them is doing it fine enough.

There can be no return to "civility in politics" when the current process itself is codified incivility.

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It's late, I'm tired and maybe a little cranky...

I'm just getting back home from a few days and this is what I find...

Harry Harrison passed away last week, Tony Scott died yesterday and now tonight word is that Phyllis Diller has left us.

Augusta National Golf Club has caved and is now admitting women as members.

And some congressman named Akin is all over my news feed about "legitimate rape" or somesuch, whatever that is.

Last night Kristen and I saw The Expendables 2. 'Twas the most dumbest fun/funnest dumb gloriously loud hella awesome action movie I've seen since the first movie two years ago. And it still makes more sense than too much of real life that I'm looking at this late hour.

(Incidentally, this movie has the highest testosterone level I've ever seen in a film... and that's even before Chuck Norris arrives to show up everyone :-)

Seriously though: Harrison was a master science-fiction writer. His Make Room! Make Room! was the basis of the movie Soylent Green. Also should mention that his West of Eden was one of the first serious sci-fi novels that I ever read. Tony Scott left an indelible mark upon motion pictures with Top Gun, Crimson Tide, True Romance and a bunch of other movies (the opening titles of Days of Thunder alone are considered a masterpiece). And I've no doubt that Phyllis Diller is back onstage with Bob Hope tonight, playing to a crowed theater in Heaven.

Thoughts and prayers going out to their families.

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