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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

It's "The 6-6-Sims"! More from the Left Behind franchise

Last year I posted a rant about the Left Behind books, and how it was becoming too much of a franchise. Some people said it might be one of the best (and funniest) things I've written here so far. In that screed I wondered why it is that Left Behind needs so many books to tell one story across seven years: Harry Potter needs only seven to tell his story for the same amount of time. One of the commenters to the article said it best: "16 full length books. Didn't John of Patmos accomplis the task in 22 chapters?" Those sixteen books include the "core" twelve novels, a book taking place a thousand years later and a prequel trilogy... the last of which comes out this June Sixth. So on 6-6-06 we'll not only have The Omen remake but The Rapture.

Oh yeah, and there's also the "young adults" books (about three dozen of those) and two series about the political and military action going on during the time of the main books.

And that still isn't enough! Check this out...

This is a screenshot from Left Behind: Eternal Forces, a real-time strategy game coming out soon. Here's the game's description that's on its official website:
Wage a war of apocalyptic proportions in LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces - a real-time strategy game based upon the best-selling LEFT BEHIND book series created by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. Join the ultimate fight of Good against Evil, commanding Tribulation Forces or the Global Community Peacekeepers, and uncover the truth about the worldwide disappearances!

· Lead the Tribulation Force from the book series , including Rayford, Chloe, Buck and Bruce against Nicolae Carpathia – the AntiChrist.

· Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world.

· Recover ancient scriptures and witness spectacular Angelic and Demonic activity as a direct consequence of your choices.

· Command your forces through intense battles across a breathtaking, authentic depiction of New York City.

· Control more than 30 units types - from Prayer Warrior and Hellraiser to Spies, Special Forces and Battle Tanks!

· Enjoy a robust single player experience across dozens of New York City maps in Story Mode – fighting in China Town , SoHo , Uptown and more!

· Play multiplayer games as Tribulation Force or the AntiChrist's Global Community Peacekeepers with up to eight players via LAN or over the internet!

This is the one that cracks me up: "Conduct physical & spiritual warfare : using the power of prayer to strengthen your troops in combat and wield modern military weaponry throughout the game world."

I'm sorry, but this is just... wrong. It's like The Sims with a dark side or something.

I think they should scrap this RTS-style game and make Left Behind into a massively-multiplayer online role-playing game. For fifteen bucks a month you could run around the world playing some poor "lost" dude and do things like taking the Mark of the Beast without ever having to worry about automatic damnation. Maybe Sony Online Entertainment could run it: they've already shown they can destroy entire worlds like Star Wars and The Matrix :-P


Anonymous said...


Rove to Testify to Grand Jury in CIA Leak Case

qemuel said...

Oh geez. Is the Armageddon upon us AGAIN?

I forgot to mark my calendar for this one; I hope the Antichrist can still pencil me in...

By the way: welcome back!

Chris Knight said...

Thanks! I just noticed something: there's what looks to be dead bodies laying in the street in that screenshot. And everyone is wearing gray clothes. It makes it look more like "Christian Prison Riot" instead of a Left Behind game.

BTW, did you see that Simpsons episode last year that satirized Left Behind? On the show it was called Left Below. Homer was sure he'd calculated when the Second Coming was going to happen. Definitely one of the funniest episodes they've done in awhile.