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Saturday, May 05, 2018


If you were to timewarp to some day many decades hence (I hope, gulp!) and find me about to depart this moral realm for the Great Beyond, and of all the questions you could ask me the one thing you would want to know is "What were your favorite websites of all time?"...

Even then, one of the top three would be WWWF Grudge Match: that hilarious page from the earliest days of widespread accessible Internet featuring epic battles between Mister T and Mister Clean, a Rottweiler versus a Rottweiler's weight in chihuahas, John McClane versus the Death Star, and that immortal bout between English Soccer Hooligans and the French Army.  Grudge Match ran uninterrupted in a few iterations between 1995 and 2005, but its impact on Internet humor will ever live on.

Thing is... since 2005 there's been so much crazy new stuff come about that's just SCREAMING to be put into a Grudge Match-style.

Just for fun, the past several months I've been making posts on my personal Facebook page with match-ups between various characters from fiction, real life, whatever.  Those who will courageously admit to knowing me seem rather entertained by it.  And so I thought "hmmmm... maybe this could be made wide open for others?  Perhaps honor the spirit of the original Grudge Match and make it appreciable for a modern audience?"

And so it is that as of today Saturday Night Massacres has been launched on Facebook.

Barring unforeseen circumstance, every other Saturday at noon EST there will be a new battle between two or more combatants, and they could come from anywhere: the real world, movies, books, television, games, sports, ancient mythology, toys, politics... anything and everything is in play.  All in good humor, all in good taste (which is sadly something that too much "comedy" these days is not).  Nothing cruel or mean-spirited, just good clean wholesome family carnage.  For two weeks the matchup will be active and if you've a Facebook account (ehhhhh... "I have no further comment Senator") you can cast your vote.  At the end of two weeks voting ends and the victor will be declared.  And then a whole new contest will begin!  As things stand now, there are matches in the pipeline that will carry us well into late summer.  And new ones are being thought up all the time.  Fans of the page will always be free and welcome to suggest future matchups (with proper accreditation of course).

And for the inaugural edition of Saturday Night Massacres, it's a good one:

Archery contest between Robin Hood - the legendary defender of the poor and downtrodden - and Katniss Everdeen - the "Girl on Fire" herself and champion of District 12 - and only one of them will take dinner home for his or her friends and family.  High stakes indeed!

So let fly those arrows and vote now for the winner at Saturday Night Massacres!