I have only always fought hardest for those things which I have held most precious and dear.
I do not know how to be otherwise.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
I don't know what to write
Isn't that something. I have a blog getting close to five thousand posts and over a million and a half readers and I don't know what to write for it. In the past month and a half I've suddenly wound up with a writing career that until now I could have only dreamed of. I'm writing more than I ever have before. I'm finding creativity and drive to write about anything and everything almost. And I can't write a thing for my own blog.
I went from a nobody who had all that mattered in life, to a somebody in high demand and nothing to show for it. Now what would the Preacher at Jerusalem have to say about that?
"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
Yesterday I wrote from the heart and did it for nothing and was the happiest man on the face of the earth.
Today I write professionally and I give it my heart and make good money, more than I am used to by far, and I'm asking God why He...
"No. Don't go there Chris. Don't be angry at Him. Be frustrated. You can be frustrated. You can even have some doubts. Everyone doubts. Even Mother Teresa doubted. But don't be angry at Him. Job refused to curse God. Job thanked God and praised Him. Praise Him for what He has done in the light, remember that during the times in the dark..."
I want to write. I want to write for me. I want the Christopher Knight who wrote as deftly and with passion about everything from doggies to dancing to Star Wars to sundry silliness to be here writing and instead tonight at the keyboard, that's not him at all.
The Walking Dead? Saw the season premiere last week and this week's is still sitting fresh on the DVR. Don't ask me what I think about Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: I haven't watched it at all, though they're also on the DVR just in case. Gravity? I want to see it soon. Every day I tell myself "I'm going to see Gravity today" and it hasn't happened yet. Because I've been busy with the full-time career God suddenly and without warning landed in my lap. In part. Mostly it's because I have seen success and found it wanting. Boring.
People chase money, they chase celebrity, they chase after fifteen minutes of the spotlight. If you want a vision of the modern world, witness Jesus turning down Satan's offer for all the kingdoms of this earth... and then a billion-fold hands rising up with screams of "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
Tolkien was right: immortality within the circles of the world would be a wretched, damnable thing. It would be the most damnable thing of all. Fellow Inkling Lewis put it well: that once man had fallen, death was God's merciful way of allowing for an escape. Took me a long time to realize that. I was afraid of death for so long, after losing too many people. Now I accept it. Appreciate it. Have found a serenity in it: that death is not a thing of dread but a gift to embrace in due time.
Why shouldn't I embrace that gift when it comes? I have fought devils without and demons within. I have seen things that can not be explained. I have borne secrets that men have slain for. I have carried responsibilities that none should have been given. I have loved and lost and hoped and throughout it all I have given every possible iota of effort toward staying true to whatever it is that God has made me to be.
People think they know what it is that will make them happy. They think it's fame or fortune or money or... something. The things that more often than not contribute to the modern wretchedness. And then they become desperate to bargain with God, to deal with Death, for just a few more years or months or even hours of that very wretched nature.
The Preacher was right. "Meaningless, meaningless..."
I've been writing a poem for some years now. Its title is "Cursed Recursive". It is a stream of thoughts from the mind of one with bipolar. Recursion is a bad thing, we were taught in that C programming class at Elon years ago. A program can get caught in a recursive loop, if you aren't careful when you're writing it. And then it just goes on and on and on and on, unable to break. Unable to break free. Unable to stop. Funny. I barely passed that class, now I understand it better than ever.
People have told me that they missed my writing. Well, here's some writing. I don't know what it's about. Maybe it will make sense later. Sometimes that happens. But here it is, for what it's worth.
I went from a nobody who had all that mattered in life, to a somebody in high demand and nothing to show for it. Now what would the Preacher at Jerusalem have to say about that?
"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
Yesterday I wrote from the heart and did it for nothing and was the happiest man on the face of the earth.
Today I write professionally and I give it my heart and make good money, more than I am used to by far, and I'm asking God why He...
"No. Don't go there Chris. Don't be angry at Him. Be frustrated. You can be frustrated. You can even have some doubts. Everyone doubts. Even Mother Teresa doubted. But don't be angry at Him. Job refused to curse God. Job thanked God and praised Him. Praise Him for what He has done in the light, remember that during the times in the dark..."
I want to write. I want to write for me. I want the Christopher Knight who wrote as deftly and with passion about everything from doggies to dancing to Star Wars to sundry silliness to be here writing and instead tonight at the keyboard, that's not him at all.
The Walking Dead? Saw the season premiere last week and this week's is still sitting fresh on the DVR. Don't ask me what I think about Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: I haven't watched it at all, though they're also on the DVR just in case. Gravity? I want to see it soon. Every day I tell myself "I'm going to see Gravity today" and it hasn't happened yet. Because I've been busy with the full-time career God suddenly and without warning landed in my lap. In part. Mostly it's because I have seen success and found it wanting. Boring.
People chase money, they chase celebrity, they chase after fifteen minutes of the spotlight. If you want a vision of the modern world, witness Jesus turning down Satan's offer for all the kingdoms of this earth... and then a billion-fold hands rising up with screams of "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
Tolkien was right: immortality within the circles of the world would be a wretched, damnable thing. It would be the most damnable thing of all. Fellow Inkling Lewis put it well: that once man had fallen, death was God's merciful way of allowing for an escape. Took me a long time to realize that. I was afraid of death for so long, after losing too many people. Now I accept it. Appreciate it. Have found a serenity in it: that death is not a thing of dread but a gift to embrace in due time.
Why shouldn't I embrace that gift when it comes? I have fought devils without and demons within. I have seen things that can not be explained. I have borne secrets that men have slain for. I have carried responsibilities that none should have been given. I have loved and lost and hoped and throughout it all I have given every possible iota of effort toward staying true to whatever it is that God has made me to be.
People think they know what it is that will make them happy. They think it's fame or fortune or money or... something. The things that more often than not contribute to the modern wretchedness. And then they become desperate to bargain with God, to deal with Death, for just a few more years or months or even hours of that very wretched nature.
The Preacher was right. "Meaningless, meaningless..."
I've been writing a poem for some years now. Its title is "Cursed Recursive". It is a stream of thoughts from the mind of one with bipolar. Recursion is a bad thing, we were taught in that C programming class at Elon years ago. A program can get caught in a recursive loop, if you aren't careful when you're writing it. And then it just goes on and on and on and on, unable to break. Unable to break free. Unable to stop. Funny. I barely passed that class, now I understand it better than ever.
People have told me that they missed my writing. Well, here's some writing. I don't know what it's about. Maybe it will make sense later. Sometimes that happens. But here it is, for what it's worth.
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Tom Clancy, father of the techno-thriller, has passed away
Tom Clancy was a pure American... I'm not going to just say "writer" but also, just leave it at "pure American". What do I mean by that? This is a guy who had dreamed as a kid of being a pilot in the United States Navy. What kept him from having that dream was an eye condition that instantly disqualified him. Clancy wound up going into the insurance business... but he never quite gave up on his dream. What did he do? He started reading and researching United States military aircraft and naval vessels. He learned everything he could about the government and military of the Soviet Union. And then he set out to write what President Reagan would later call "the perfect yarn". Almost thirty years later and The Hunt for Red October is arguably the definitive novel of modern naval warfare. As well as being one hell of a gripping story.
He couldn't be in the Navy, so he made a phenomenally successful career out of writing about the Navy. And along the way became perhaps the most prominent icon of the modern Navy. How many other places in the world could someone have an opportunity to do a thing like that?
Tom Clancy - who gave us Jack Ryan, Marko Ramius, John Clark, Ding Chavez and many other characters in a genre he made all his own if not created single-handed - passed away Tuesday. He was 66. At the time of his passing he had another novel due out later this year.
Thoughts and prayers going out to his family. Think I'll watch The Hunt for Red October tonight in his memory.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Reconsidered
Like Michael Corleone said: "Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in."
Last week I posted that it might be goodbye for good for my blogging. Lots of things went into that. I have wound up extremely busy with work-related stuff lately (speaking of which, I'm soon going to be advertising freelance writing services on this blog, and if you want to go ahead and solicit my services e-mail me at theknightshift@gmail.com and I'll be happy to discuss it with you!).
And then, from my perspective, some... very lousy things happened on this end. My spirit wound up darn nearly broken. Friends counseled me to not be discouraged, to keep going. That this blog has given them hope when they needed it, even if at times I myself feel little or no hope at all.
Huh. Imagine that. Getting hope from the hopeless. I suppose anything is possible...
Maybe just as writing about the bipolar disorder has been, I should keep writing to... stay grounded, stay focused, on things. Keep grounded in reality. Be able to see beyond my own problems. Maybe even offer something worth visiting this blog for people who are needing something to smile or laugh at. Who knows: maybe even provide something new to think about.
So for the time being, I'm going to stick with it. I'm going to try even to have a new photo of Tammy up tomorrow. The frequency of posting may not be very often, at least not for the time being. But it will be something, anyway.
Just one thing that I'd like to ask: this is a very difficult time for me right now. However it is that you can or are led to, some prayer for Yours Truly would be seriously, seriously appreciated. I don't know how I've been brought through the past week, except for God bringing me to where I am now. I have to thank Him and I have to thank those who have kept me in their prayers.
I suppose, if there is any hope at all in this world, that is where it is going to begin...
Last week I posted that it might be goodbye for good for my blogging. Lots of things went into that. I have wound up extremely busy with work-related stuff lately (speaking of which, I'm soon going to be advertising freelance writing services on this blog, and if you want to go ahead and solicit my services e-mail me at theknightshift@gmail.com and I'll be happy to discuss it with you!).
And then, from my perspective, some... very lousy things happened on this end. My spirit wound up darn nearly broken. Friends counseled me to not be discouraged, to keep going. That this blog has given them hope when they needed it, even if at times I myself feel little or no hope at all.
Huh. Imagine that. Getting hope from the hopeless. I suppose anything is possible...
Maybe just as writing about the bipolar disorder has been, I should keep writing to... stay grounded, stay focused, on things. Keep grounded in reality. Be able to see beyond my own problems. Maybe even offer something worth visiting this blog for people who are needing something to smile or laugh at. Who knows: maybe even provide something new to think about.
So for the time being, I'm going to stick with it. I'm going to try even to have a new photo of Tammy up tomorrow. The frequency of posting may not be very often, at least not for the time being. But it will be something, anyway.
Just one thing that I'd like to ask: this is a very difficult time for me right now. However it is that you can or are led to, some prayer for Yours Truly would be seriously, seriously appreciated. I don't know how I've been brought through the past week, except for God bringing me to where I am now. I have to thank Him and I have to thank those who have kept me in their prayers.
I suppose, if there is any hope at all in this world, that is where it is going to begin...
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Goodbye
Dear readers,
This is likely to be the last post made on The Knight Shift.
If it is, I would like to thank you all for joining me on this little adventure. It lasted almost ten years, and was approaching its 5,000th post. I like to think that it was time well spent and that you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it.
God bless,
Chris
This is likely to be the last post made on The Knight Shift.
If it is, I would like to thank you all for joining me on this little adventure. It lasted almost ten years, and was approaching its 5,000th post. I like to think that it was time well spent and that you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it.
God bless,
Chris
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
November 23rd is "The Day of the Doctor"
A short while ago the BBC finally revealed the title of the Doctor Who Fiftieth Anniversary Special.
November 23rd will be "The Day of the Doctor".
And here is the official poster for the episode...
Ho-leeee smokes, that is an insanely great piece of work! I have literally watched the final moments of "The Name of the Doctor" at least once on my iPad ever since it aired in May, all because of John Hurt being an incarnation of The Doctor that we never knew even existed. Seeing him strolling away so casually from those dead and burning Daleks - like a man walking straight out of Hell itself - just gives me the shivers.
And look! There's a "Bad Wolf" sign! What could it mean?!
The BBC also announced that "The Day of the Doctor" will have a running time of seventy-five glorious minutes.
Now, if only the BBC could release a trailer for this baby...
Edit 6:59 p.m. EST: I can't resist doing it. It's just too good.
Here again - or for the first time if you haven't seen it yet - is the mind-blowing shock ending from "The Name of the Doctor":
November 23rd will be "The Day of the Doctor".
And here is the official poster for the episode...
Ho-leeee smokes, that is an insanely great piece of work! I have literally watched the final moments of "The Name of the Doctor" at least once on my iPad ever since it aired in May, all because of John Hurt being an incarnation of The Doctor that we never knew even existed. Seeing him strolling away so casually from those dead and burning Daleks - like a man walking straight out of Hell itself - just gives me the shivers.
And look! There's a "Bad Wolf" sign! What could it mean?!
The BBC also announced that "The Day of the Doctor" will have a running time of seventy-five glorious minutes.
Now, if only the BBC could release a trailer for this baby...
Edit 6:59 p.m. EST: I can't resist doing it. It's just too good.
Here again - or for the first time if you haven't seen it yet - is the mind-blowing shock ending from "The Name of the Doctor":
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
My thoughts on Syria
This has been one of the busiest periods that I've been in for quite some time now, hence the lack of blogging as actively as I'd like.
That being said, I'm feeling more than a little led to get this off my chest...
For well over a decade I have believed and as of this writing I still believe that George W. Bush was the absolutely worst President in the entire history of the United States.
For the PATRIOT Act, for creating the Department of Homeland Security, for failure to strengthen our border with Mexico, for a war in Iraq with no definitive goal or even overall purpose, for all of the "bailouts" and "stimulus" that deepened the damage to our economy... for all of those reasons and more, George W. Bush will forever be one of the most destructive Presidents that America was ever cursed with. And I have no doubt that a wiser citizenry in generations in the distant future will point to Bush the Lesser as a grim example of how broken our current system of politics is, and has been for a very long time.
I earnestly believed that Bush the Lesser's place of shame would be secure for a very long time to come. But now...
If the United States military is directed to take action in Syria, as is looking more and more likely to happen, then Barack Obama will have become the absolutely worst President in American history.
And barring going full-tilt bonkers and launching ICBMs at Quebec, I don't see how anyone else ever would possibly topple Obama from that spot.
Syria is not something we want to get mired in. Other countries' civil wars very rarely are. But Syria is the meanest situation imaginable. The ruling government are not the good guys. The rebels are not the good guys either. There are many good people who are caught in the middle of this: they aren't combatants at all. Many of them are Christians who are being targeted by the rebels. And speaking of those rebels: there is considerable evidence that they are aligned with Al-Quaeda.
Just as there is overwhelming evidence that the chemical attacks we have seen in the news were not launched by the Assad government at all. That they might in fact have been perpetrated by the rebels.
President Barack Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry are at best, horribly misinformed about Syria. They are at worst, blatant liars.
And there is no reason whatsoever to involve any American money, any American equipment, or any American life with any aspect of the civil war in Syria.
There are some things in this broken world which all one can do is appeal to God in prayer about. Things beyond the jurisdiction of any sane and rational government. What is happening in Syria is one of those things. There is nothing the United States as a sovereign nation can do to remedy that situation. But there is plenty that it can do to make it worse, and nothing worse than launching a military strike in Syria.
If Obama does this, nothing good will come of it. Nothing at all.
Nothing.
That being said, I'm feeling more than a little led to get this off my chest...
For well over a decade I have believed and as of this writing I still believe that George W. Bush was the absolutely worst President in the entire history of the United States.
For the PATRIOT Act, for creating the Department of Homeland Security, for failure to strengthen our border with Mexico, for a war in Iraq with no definitive goal or even overall purpose, for all of the "bailouts" and "stimulus" that deepened the damage to our economy... for all of those reasons and more, George W. Bush will forever be one of the most destructive Presidents that America was ever cursed with. And I have no doubt that a wiser citizenry in generations in the distant future will point to Bush the Lesser as a grim example of how broken our current system of politics is, and has been for a very long time.
I earnestly believed that Bush the Lesser's place of shame would be secure for a very long time to come. But now...
If the United States military is directed to take action in Syria, as is looking more and more likely to happen, then Barack Obama will have become the absolutely worst President in American history.
And barring going full-tilt bonkers and launching ICBMs at Quebec, I don't see how anyone else ever would possibly topple Obama from that spot.
Syria is not something we want to get mired in. Other countries' civil wars very rarely are. But Syria is the meanest situation imaginable. The ruling government are not the good guys. The rebels are not the good guys either. There are many good people who are caught in the middle of this: they aren't combatants at all. Many of them are Christians who are being targeted by the rebels. And speaking of those rebels: there is considerable evidence that they are aligned with Al-Quaeda.
Just as there is overwhelming evidence that the chemical attacks we have seen in the news were not launched by the Assad government at all. That they might in fact have been perpetrated by the rebels.
President Barack Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry are at best, horribly misinformed about Syria. They are at worst, blatant liars.
And there is no reason whatsoever to involve any American money, any American equipment, or any American life with any aspect of the civil war in Syria.
There are some things in this broken world which all one can do is appeal to God in prayer about. Things beyond the jurisdiction of any sane and rational government. What is happening in Syria is one of those things. There is nothing the United States as a sovereign nation can do to remedy that situation. But there is plenty that it can do to make it worse, and nothing worse than launching a military strike in Syria.
If Obama does this, nothing good will come of it. Nothing at all.
Nothing.
