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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I've discovered the real meaning of life. Should it get posted here?

Somewhere between Charlotte and the state line the little car - its shiny exterior hardly speaking of the things that its owner had put it through in four-some years since purchase - tore along I-85, heading west into the night. It was unseasonably warm, and humid... not like what the storybook Christmas night is supposed to be at all. "We'll make up for that," the driver chuckled to himself. "Christmas of '85 was practically 80... then that winter storm a few weeks later brought the daytime high down to 10! Ahh well... more time to play inside I suppose."

The driver sipped from a bottle of Mountain Dew and listened as "Weird Al" Yankovic belted out a vintage holiday song over the car's stereo: "The Night Santa Went Crazy". "I should have found Weird Al's 'Christmas At Ground Zero'," thought the driver: "Lisa would have laughed her head off at THAT one!" To his right the passenger seat was reclined as far back as several large gift-wrapped boxes and other luggage would allow: lovely Lisa (who he always joked was his "Spousal Overunit") lay there asleep. She had been exhausted already after the day's activities, their third Christmas as husband and wife. And not for the first time did Chris wonder how it was that he, of all the guys in the world and after so many times in his life that "the one" had been found but only to be disappointed when she didn't meet what he really wanted in a wife... how it was he - and not some other guy - wound up with this so most beautiful of young lasses: her loveliness surpassed only by the purity of her heart.

It is said that there are fourteen words that can make a person love you for the rest of your life. But Lisa needed only one: "hello". "Yeah yeah I heard that said on a TV show years ago," Chris thought. "But she still had me after just 'hello'!"

Was she worth all the nonsense that he and "Weird" Ed had gone through during this past week to find an Xbox for a Christmas gift? Damned straight she was! Hell, he wound up with what might very well have been the last Xbox on sale in the state of North Carolina... can't get much more divine providence than that when you're set against all the hordes of last-minute shoppers like so many Visigoths coming over the hills to pillage Rome.

He gave her a loving glance. But not for too long. Lisa continued to slumber peacefully as her husband prayed that he could keep the car pegged at 110 MPH for a little while longer along this stretch of I-85... and prayed that Lisa would not soon wake up and make him lose his shot at breaking the record between home and her parents' house. And he let his mind wander, as it was apt to do, onto other things: some simple, some profound.

So it was that at some point before they had crossed into South Carolina that a thought crossed the mind of Christopher Knight... and without warning that most holy grail of philosophers and theologians resolved into crystal clarity in Reason's illumining glow.

For whatever reason, however exactly it happened (just a few moments before he had been thinking about that giant Star Wars LEGO set that Lisa had given him), Christopher had discovered, or understood... or perhaps was given, the meaning of life.

And though he was somewhat chagrined that the meaning of life had nothing whatsoever to do with either Monty Python or the number "42", he still was delighted to know that, yes, things DO make sense not just in this world but throughout this universe.

Why, this wasn't so much just the meaning of life... but it was the meaning of existence itself!

He made a mental note of it, took another glance at his wife, scanned ahead for whatever "smokies" he might discern in the dark, and continued to listen as Weird Al sang about how Santa Claus was dead, killed by a SWAT team that put a bullet through his head...

Not kidding. Think I might have really hit upon it a few weeks ago. No joke.

It's pretty cool, actually. But for it to be valid, for it to work, you must accept (A) that there is such a thing as God and that (B) He exists outside of the four dimensions that we can discern, outside of the universe itself even.

I've done some looking, but nobody's ever suggested this before, so far as I can tell. If they have then I'll make apology and retract the notion that's been on my mind the past while. But to the best of my knowledge, it's a pretty original thought.

I'm just wondering if I should share it though. I mean, mankind has been searching for the meaning of life since way back in the day. So if I wrote out my idea and if it's a really valid one and people think it works... well, wouldn't that put many of the world's philosophers out of business? That's one cottage industry America does still have left: you find philosophers on liberal arts college campuses, on blogs like this one, in barbershops especially the ones where they only sweep the floor every two or three days, face-down on the couch when one is smashed with hangover from the night before... darn near everywhere. Shouldn't I be a good patriot (and good overall humanitarian) and hold my tongue so that some of my countrymen can still go on with their livelihood? Or dare I share what I've come to realize, and risk taking that gamble in the hope that it might somehow lead to, as was appropriate with that night, "peace on Earth and goodwill toward men"?

Darned serious about thinking that I might really have it here, dudes. If/when it's posted it will not be something "humorous" or done as a gag, at all (which is more than can be said for this one idea I've had about quantum physics... but not now). It'll be done as a VERY considered and sober-minded theory... which is all it can be: the REAL "meaning of life" will ever be up for discussion and debate, as it should be. What I got isn't a scientific law, but a radical theory of ultimate purpose. But it's a pretty cool one 'cuz it touches on at least a bit of everything: theology, biology, cosmology, concepts of Einstein, the physics of matter and energy, quantum mechanics... and believe it or not, the existence of Good and Evil. I think they may have a connection to the physical world, in a very deep sense that I haven't even begun to dwell upon and doubt that I even really want to. Nonetheless, the things of this temporal realm and those beyond mortal comprehension are tied together, I'm coming to realize more and more, and we do have a place and a purpose within both.

This might turn some people off from what I would have to say, but it's perfectly consistent with the teachings of the Bible. Have thought about this a lot and can't find any obvious conflicts with my faith in Christ as best I can understand it. At this point some might think that it's drifting dangerously toward Gnosticism... but that's not really right to say, 'cuz this theory runs afoul of Gnostic thought in a lot of ways.

But to those that are turned off by that much, lemme entice ya with this: I'll wager good money that if you've ever been a fan of The Matrix that you might get a thrill out of reading this, when it's finally ready.

So... share it with y'all or not? It'll be looooooong, be warned of that now. But I'll do my best to make it a neat read :-)