Warhammer 40,000 now needs Pre-K books (and I'm here to help!)

If you're at all a fan of Warhammer 40,000 whether you play the game or just are fascinated with the astounding body of fiction and art it has inspired, you probably got the the news yesterday that there are are childrens books coming out soon based on Warhammer 40,000 and its fantasy sibling Warhammer: Age of Sigmar.  At first I thought it was a joke but a quick look at Bell of Lost Souls confirmed that these are indeed being released in the near future.  Here are the first two:

Reaction from the fanbase has been mixed.  Some are applauding it, some think it's "too immature" whatever THAT means... especially coming from players of a game during which screams of "WAAAAGH!" are common.  Still others think that Games Workshop is playing a strategy of "get 'em while they're young" like tobacco companies, Democrats, the John Birch Society and freemium iPhone apps.  Personally, I like it!  Makes me wish I had a kid or two to justify getting these books (and it could still happen someday...)

'Course, it goes without saying that there are aspects of Warhammer 40K that are going to require a delicate hand in addressing for younger audiences.  Like f'rinstance, oh... I dunno... maybe Slaanesh (the Chaos god of sensual pleasure) and the whole thing about how the Dark Eldar like to spill out of nowhere to raid for victims to suck the lift force from.  And the Inquisition.  And why do Commisars seem to enjoy killing their own soldiers so much?  How the heck are they going to put Tyranids into this new series?

Well, I'm of the opinion that this is going to be a great success.  But since this is Games Workshop and their Black Library division we're discussing, maybe we should prepare for the inevitability of 40K books for an even younger readership.  Like, ages 3 through kindergarten.  So with that in mind, I took the liberty of making the first in the series of the next generation's introduction to the far future:

Dear Games Workshop: disregarding the fact that I am not a British subject, please feel free to contact me about my percentage of the sales.  I'll take either Pound sterling or an entire company of my choice of Primaris Space Marine miniatures (including the new Roubute Guilliman).  And if you ever bring Lorgar back I'll take him too.

Categories: children, games workshop, humor, warhammer 40000